Poem: For the Other Mothers
Dedication: This poem is dedicated to all the mothers in Canada, India, and St. Vincent and The Grenadines currently experiencing adverse conditions.
This is a balm,
or maybe a kind of Psalm.
This is for the depressed mothers,
for the anxious and breathless mothers.
I see you,
I feel you,
I AM you.
This is for the restless mothers.
For the childless,
motherless mothers
mother.
I see you,
I feel you,
I AM you.
This is for the abused mothers.
For the estranged and misused mothers.
For the tired,
“My life is a mess!”
mothers.
I see you.
This is for the abandoned mothers,
the absent, halfway dead mothers.
For the focused,
trying to make ends meet
mothers.
I feel you.
For the poised,
and proper mothers.
For the emotional mothers.
The red, yellow,
black and white,
ALL are precious,
in His sight mothers.
I AM you.
I stand with you,
Forever, for always
eternally yours.
Mother.
Poem: We Are Not Strangers
We are not strangers,
Though, we are not friends.
It is unclear what we are,
Or even, who we are.
We have spoken,
And we have unspoken.
Friends who haven’t met,
Lovers who haven’t loved yet,
Friends who haven’t spoken.
Connection, uncertain.
Balanced hearts, know best
Let the story, tell the rest.
We are not strangers.
a poem by erykah
photo taken by erykah st. louis during a trip to Madagascar.
Body Is That You?
For many years, I didn’t think very highly of my body. But I kept my insecurities tucked away, ever so neatly in the recesses of my mind.
Dealing with them felt like a disempowering exercise I had no interest in participating in. After giving birth, I found myself facing the mirror with a heaviness I never felt before.
Body Image Origins
I trace ideas about my body back to my parents. It’s funny (and scary) how many of our ‘issues’ go back to childhood. I grew up in a Caribbean family and in some (I believe many) pockets of Caribbean culture the way you present yourself to the world matters. Curvy and voluptuous is loved and considered sexy. But so is lean (not too lean), athletic and petite.
It could go either way, depending on the family you’re born into. My parents were more on the lean end of the beauty debate. Growing up, they had no restraint in telling you your waist was rounder than usual or if you were “putting on the pounds.” I can hear my dad’s voice right now. It actually makes me laugh, it’s comedy now but during adolescence it was unpleasant to hear.
That is a big part of Caribbean culture though. People make jokes and comments about your appearance, you learn to survive by developing your own comeback or laughing it off. The other option is to spend the rest of your days sad and hurt. In the end, you would just get teased for that too, so I chose to suck it up and tuck the bad feelings away.
Postpartum Body
It wasn’t until five months postpartum, I started to think about my body, its new shape and what it was not. Before that, I was in a newborn fog. I could not even compare the new body to pre-baby body because this new body truly was a stranger to me.
I didn't know her. We had not previously met. I was stumped for months on how to dress her, not only was she squishy, she was weaker and slower.
I had little to no brain power to think about clothing or what to wear. I went the easy route for almost two solid years. I wore tons of black with a sprinkle of gray in between. It got so bad, on a recent trip to Canada my cousin revealed she was bored with my black. She was tired of seeing this new wardrobe that lacked the colour and vibrancy of the old me. I missed her too but didn’t think anyone else noticed.
(Shouts to family, who will gently tell you when you look boring).
She told me she wondered to herself why I was wearing so much black, that it was uncommon for me to drape myself in one colour for months. At that point I was already thinking about how I looked and the struggle to get dressed in the mornings, but I still wasn’t aware of how much this new role pulled me from colour, textures and patterns.
And while I love that “all black” look I can’t do it for months on end.
I like colour, I like patterns, shapes and textures. I like to have flexibility in what I wear. I don’t like to be limited to one particular style. If I want to serve couch potato vibes one day and Beyoncé Homecoming the next, I need the freedom and options to do that.
What is style?
I don’t even know anymore. I am approaching clothes and fashion and all things beauty with a fresh set of eyes, as though I am learning for the first time.
I have found that trying to be who and what I was before motherhood is too frustrating and limiting. I am letting this new body become whatever it needs to become. I can mold and craft it just the way I imagine, free of past thoughts, opinions or ideas. It is a body made up of all aspects of me.
This new body is made up of the old me and the new me, I see this stage in life as an opportunity to create something that didn’t exist before.
The Milk Factory is Closed
I never thought I would jump for joy, plotting how I can make a mini celebration to commemorate the end of my breastfeeding journey.
But I am. My son is 19 months and I remember a friend encouraging me a few months ago, saying if I talk to him and explain that he’s a big boy and he doesn’t need this anymore, he will understand. I pulled that trick out of my hat last week and it worked! Along with other strategies of course.
What did NOT work, was being away from him for a week. A few other moms told me to try this but it just didn’t work for me. When I returned from Germany after being gone for a week, he demanded to nurse and was hysterical when I refused him. He even started to reach into my shirt. That was cute for an hour and was also my limit.
What also worked and really was the secret sauce to this finale, was the thing that made breastfeeding successful to begin with: My Mom.
She was here the week I returned and basically frowned at me for “giving in.” She pressed me, “Erykah stop. You have to stop.” I wanted to stop for a while, but kept giving in because it was easier to say yes than no.
My mom knew it was time and helped me get to the finish line. Her mere presence just made me feel more confident to stop.
But the really cool thing, is that when my son was 2 weeks old, she came to visit us in the thick of my struggles and almost like magic, breastfeeding clicked for me.
She gave me the tough talk that many Caribbean moms give their daughters, “Breastfeeding is hard but you have to do it.“You young women today have it easy. It was much harder for us. Just do it.”
I never imagined myself breastfeeding for this long but I am so proud I made it this far.
That I mastered the art of breastfeeding.
A skill I doubted I would even have. But I did it. I did it! And I am so proud of myself for staying on a journey that was painfully challenging in the beginning.
My Beef with Digital Storytelling
Digital storytelling has exploded in recent years. The practice is ancient—people sharing their personal stories with the world. But this form is storytelling is new. Very new. Our lives are truly better for it. But there’s a dark side. In this essay I reflect on what happens when storytelling wants to stop.
Now more than ever, the story of our lives can live on in many forms. Digital storytelling has given us greater access to diverse voices, opinions, perspectives and frankly more access to more people in general.
It seems the world has become a lot smaller since digital storytelling has emerged. Barriers are breaking down and our understanding of the people around us is deepening.
But my beef with digital storytelling is this: what happens when you don’t want to be online anymore or you want to take a break from the Internet?
The Internet is a beast that survives on a heavy flow of new information. To make it on the ‘interwebs’ you have to continuously pump stuff out. You have to be consistent; you have to be present in order to be heard.
It makes sense. I don’t have an issue with that.
But my issue is that when you want to take a break there is so much pressure around “the break.” Or if you’re like me, sometimes you inadvertently take breaks, but when you want to jump back in, there is this guilt around that.
You’re afraid people won’t remember who you are.
You’ve been gone for what seems like forever. If my grandparents were alive they would think this is obnoxious. No grand public appearance for a week or a month during their time was perfectly normal.
Yet in the age of digital story telling that’s a long time to disappear.
Or is it? Does it even matter?
What matters more than ever is our mental health. Our minds need a break from all the scrolling, all the swiping, and all the flat lays (although I love me a good flat lay.)
I have noticed an increase in awareness around taking digital breaks, fasts or detoxes. People are going on silent retreats because we’re just too stressed out and mentally exhausted as a result of so much ‘Interneting.’
Consistency of messaging for brand building is critical, but as creators it’s even more important that we take a step back every now and then to recharge, recalibrate, and to reset our minds. For the sake of our long-term health.
I Live in Black
I get what mom jeans are now. I really do. I never understood what they meant or how they came into being but I get it now.
I understand it because my personal style has changed after pushing that six pound baby out of me—for all of 10 minutes (I’m very proud of those 10 minutes). It started to change during pregnancy as my body took on a new form. I had to learn about shopping in the maternity section (there are half decent options), sifting through clothes that matched my new shape.
For most of pregnancy I was in hermit mode, partly because I didn’t like my style. I also didn’t care to buy a ton of maternity clothes because I knew it was very temporary.
I lost interest in clothing and became more introspective— as many pregnant women do.
Maintaining a personal style was a low priority for me. Which has caused my style to be in suspension for the past two years. I’ll be honest, that has been rough.
Now I am starting to see that I have more space in my head to think deeply about clothes and how I want to feel in them.
I have always loved black.
I can do patterns and pops of colour here and there but in general I just like dark clothes. In the thick of my postpartum period I gravitated towards black, gray and denim.
It was easy and black has always made me feel confident and pulled together.
Whether becoming a mom of one or four I think a woman goes through a shift with every pregnancy. But perhaps the biggest shift happens when you become a first time mom because it’s brand new.
This is an experience that you have never had before and you have nothing else to compare it to except for stories from other people. It is natural and perfectly normal for a woman’s style to take a back seat during this transitional period.
Life is shifting, you’re thinking about diaper changes, feedings, what brand of products to use and the list goes on. For myself and plenty other women clothes just don’t make it to the top of the list.
My style at this stage in my motherhood is a work in progress. It’s evolving and I’m still trying to figure out what I’m drawn to and what I’m happy leaving on the rack.
I’m still very comfortable in my black though. It’s my staple, it’s my go-to, my tried and true and I can never go wrong with it. Although some people are trying to encourage me to add some colour to my life. I’ll think about it :).
On This Day
On this day one year ago, I was processing my new identity 'mother' while still amazed at the miracle my body just performed. It's powerful what the female body can do.
It also blows my mind how incredible life can change within a year. Fast forward to this present day, February 14, 2018 and I am processing a new part of my journey: blogging.
One that is very much in its infancy, as my little boy was this time last year, but something I have had the burning desire to do for ages.
I am launching this space because I believe in the transformative power of sharing.
I have learned and processed a lot in the past year and I want to share it with a larger community. Simply with the hopes that through my sharing maybe a stranger or a friend, might push a little harder or start to believe they are not alone.
I believe we are all storytellers and our communities become stronger the more we share and the more we encourage one another.
So here I am, on this day making a commitment to share with you my intimate thoughts on motherhood, womanhood and everything in between.
Thank you for stopping by!
- Erykah xo
Erykah the Unicorn
I get it. The whole unicorn thing is trendy and it feels like Target, Home Goods and similar stores are on unicorn steroids. Even I’ll admit it’s a bit much. But I came by this unicorn thing pretty honestly.
I was meeting a community of creatives in downtown L.A. for the first time and in the middle of the initial pleasantries one of them blurted out “Erykah! The unicorn is here!”
With full-on enthusiasm and all kinds of hype. I was like “Huh? Who me? A unicorn? Really you think so?” I went with it though.
I figured, “Hey if this cool stranger (at first sight) thinks I’m a unique being then I guess I am?”
Fast forward five years later and I completely own this unicorn thing. Being a unicorn simply means that you are unique, you know it, and you own it.
And here’s the thing: we are all unicorns.
We are all unique, special people. We might have similarities to people around us because after all, we’re all human at the end of the day. I believe though that we are all rare in our own way. Each one of us has something special to offer to the world that only we could give. And the sooner we develop a deeper understanding of ourselves, the faster we achieve inner peace.
As this blog matures you will come to learn more about me and my unicornin’ (yeah that’s a thing) lifestyle. For now, here are some random facts about me.
12 Random Facts About Me:
1. I love Jesus with my whole heart. Which means two things for me: I am a work in progress and I lean on the divine to help me become a better version of myself.
2. I’m left-handed. I have (sort of) grew out of the awkward stage of turning my paper on an angle to write.
3. I’m a Virgo.
4. I did zip lining in the jungles of Cambodia on a makeshift zip line. It was wild and exhilarating.
5. I speak French.
6. I had a pet gerbil once that I killed inadvertently because I put it in a glass cage. It chewed on the glass and died.
7. As a child I enjoyed bike riding around my neighbourhood by myself.
8. I’m Canadian. I grew up in Montréal, Québec. Poutine is life!
9. Swimming and singing were my happy places growing up. I was on a swim team for several years and sang in the church choir.
10. I enjoy driving by myself. I like the free time it gives me to think without distractions.
11. If I like a song enough, I could listen to for 13 hours straight.
12. At one point in my life I wanted to go to law school (what was I thinking??).
Public Speaking
The Momference
May 2018 & 2019
Moderator for a panel discussion about parenting and maternal mental health.
Pecha Kucha 20x20
Baltimore, Maryland
June 2014
“What If We Weren’t Strangers?”
http://www.pechakucha.org/cities/baltimore-md/presentations/what-if-we-werent-strangers
GAiN
Silver Spring, Maryland
February 2016
“Digital Campaigns in the Nonprofit World”
https://gain.adventist.org/2016/speakers/#stlouis
Global Youth Day
Silver Spring, Maryland
March: 2014, 2015, 2016
Co-anchored one hour live broadcast of Global Youth Day events to an audience around the world.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bzfVADN3PA
Youth Ministry World Report
San Antonio, Texas
July 2015
Co-presenter of Seventh-day Adventist Church Youth Ministry global report to an audience of 20,000 in San Antonio, Texas.
Creative Strategy
South Sudan Famine
In response to a severe drought affecting South Sudan and surrounding nations, I developed a multi-channel strategy that helped us generate over $800,000 in donations in record time. Online donations —as a result of targeted Facebook posts and email campaigns— made up 40% of that revenue.
Website Redesign
As project manager for the redesign and repositioning of ADRA.org, I worked with a creative agency to optimize the user experience, making it easier for supporters to donate online and learn more about ADRA’s global work. I changed the focus of content to be story driven and improved the information architecture, making it easier for users to quickly find what they were looking for. The reengineering of the site has lead to on average an increase in online donations by 20% year-over-year.
Nepal Earthquake
A multi-channel campaign was developed to raise funds for the devastation in Nepal following the 2015 earthquake. I led the online effort communicating the key messages of the campaign on social media, on the web, and through email marketing. Strong visuals from days after the earthquake were used to show a more personal side of the disaster.
Social Media Strategy
General Conference Session
I developed the social engagement strategy for ADRA’s exhibit at the Adventist World Church General Conference Session in San Antonio, Texas. During the 10-day conference —with an attendance of 80,000 people—I led the team that was responsible for creating an additional touch point for ADRA that combined online and offline interactions. The strategy included interviewing attendees and posting their stories on the blog, on Facebook and Instagram in addition to sending daily email campaigns.
Giving Tuesday
I took an integrated marketing approach to raise money for and increase awareness of ADRA’s work in response to the European refugee crisis. I developed shareable social content for Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. Targeted email campaigns were published, combining a mix of human-interest stories and fundraising asks.
Lessons from my 10 month-old
The other day my baby unicorn was playing with some blocks in his playpen. I noticed him throwing a block out of the pen and reaching for it through an opening.
Once he made contact, he maneuvered his tiny hands around the block to firm up his grip on it. With the block in his hand, he stood up and quickly threw it over the playpen.
He repeated this over and over again.
Sometimes when the block was out of reach, I nudged it a little closer for him. He did not cry or fuss. Patiently he repeated his ritual of throwing, reaching, and grabbing. I was amazed. I was actually in the middle of brainstorming my goals for 2018 while he was doing this.
Looking over at him playing this game of ‘throw the block’ it hit me—there is a connection between his block throwing and my goal setting. Goals have always terrified me. I used to feel that writing them down guaranteed I would not achieve them, so I avoided the subject altogether., all because of fear.
I’m still afraid.
But the good news is, I am mindfully working my way through changing my perspective. I’m not 100% where I want to be with goal setting but I am becoming so much more comfortable with the practice.
5 Goal Setting Lessons from a 10 Month-Old
1. Just be cool about it.
My ADHD brain tells me goal setting is this big ordeal. I am realizing it isn’t. When my son was playing with his block he was very calm and relaxed. He didn’t laugh or make much noise. He just played. I am going to take the same attitude with goal setting. Show up to the session and just play.
2. Start With A Distance You Know You Can Manage
At first he threw the block within close range; he didn’t have to stretch too far to pick it up. Watching him I learned that goal setting is less intimidating when the targets are relatively easy to achieve. The objective is just to get used to the practice of setting and achieving.
3. Go Further After A Few Wins
Once he got into a rhythm of reaching for the block through the rails, I noticed he started to throw the block further away. The determination on his face was amazing. The lesson in that for me is to get into a rhythm of achieving small wins and then begin to practice what it feels like to achieve goals that are slightly bigger.
4. Move On, Then Come Back
He made me realize that shifting your focus to something else equally fun and interesting is actually kind of necessary. I get bored easily, so I need to switch things up often to help me focus better. My son taught me that it’s okay to give your goal attention, move on to something else, and then come back to it. He took several breaks but he always went back to throwing his blocks.
5. Make It Enjoyable
My little unicorn was content and entertained during his game of blocks. He showed no frustration, even when the block was out of reach. He seemed to have found pleasure in figuring out how to stretch his arm further for the block. I was inspired by the ability of his little 10 month-old mind to figure out how to grab hold of something that initially seemed out of reach.
I have always heard that your children teach you so much about life and I did not understand that concept until recently. My understanding of goal setting was deepened after watching my little guy play with his blocks.